Some Totally Random Updates from the Abyss

“The Abyss” otherwise known as parenthood.  I think the last time I blogged was, like, a million years ago. A thousand wrinkles-on-my-face ago, about 20 lbs ago, before Instagram and hashtagging. HELL, before Twitter! No, not before Twitter. But for sures before Instagram and the new art of communication known as hashtagging. In my day, those were called “pound signs.” Back in the day we had to CALL SOMEONE ON THE PHONE. Before texting which, incidentally, I do like. I’m not an early-adopter by any means, but I’m not a total Luddite either.

Anyhoo, thought I’d throw a couple of brief updates up here, thankfully no one reads this so I can just see what happens!

The twins have to read a book every night, and we are supposed to fill out a piece of paper verifying that they read to us, how they did, and then initial it. Parker has taken to doing her homework at After School (which is great) but then completing the form herself and writing comments like “she did grate” and writing my initials (not great). I informed her this was forgery. Per usual, she didn’t listen. Today, I noticed her brother did his homework at after school and then, after being shown the ropes by Parkie, proceeded to complete his form. Worried she was a bad influence on him, I asked him the age-old question that millions of parents before me have asked, “would you jump off a bridge if your sister told you to?” “Yes,” Jax answered.
Good talk, kid, good talk.

*    *    *    *

That moment when you’re volunteering in your kid’s class doing an art project and for some unknown reason, one of the kids announces that he was born “by a c-section” and you want to be all “JESUS KID! TMI! God! What do I look like, a doctor?!? Someone who needs to know the very personal details of your entry into this world?!” but instead you just smile and say “Ohhhh…well. Yes. [clears throat] Back to painting the fall leaves kids!!” (And no, it wasn’t YOUR kid if you’re wondering, I don’t know the parents!) ‪#‎neveradullmoment‬ ‪#‎kidsarefreakingcrazy‬

*    *    *    *

Being Parker’s mom is always, ALWAYS challenging, but it’s also sometimes surprising and amusing. Just in the last hour, this happened: Driving home from swimming we were discussing possible career paths for the twins and Jackson said he wanted to “own a Super Hero store” (awesome) that “sold EVERY gun and weapon in the world!” (NOT awesome. Excuse me while I go scream into a pillow and pull chunks of my hair out) and Parker at first said she wants to own a pancake house called Parkie’s Flapjacks but then revised her future job to “working in a Halloween store” because “you’d get a lot of time off.” Well-played, kid. Then, while practicing for an upcoming spelling test, I used the work ‘rob’ in a sentence. I said “I will not rob a store” and she countered, “I’ll ROB A BANK!” Not exactly what I had in mind. Then, after I graded her practice test (because she made me), I gave her an A- because she missed one. She was practically apoplectic. As soon as I turned around, she added a line and made it an A+. I’ve got my hands full, but it’s never a dull a moment around here.