…I was complaining (what ELSE is new??) about beginning my IVF cycle and starting to take birth control pills.
It was the opening salvo in our last stand in the long battle to become pregnant.
Here is some of what I wrote that day:
Q: How Do You Make A Hormone?
A: Refuse to pay her.
BOOOOO.
That’s bad even for ME and I have frighteningly low standards. In case you haven’t noticed…
But seriously, how DO you make all of these hormones required for
the IVF cycle?? My GAWD people, the drawing up of fluid and the
powders and the vials and the syringes, OH MY.
I just about fell off my chair when I read through all of my
instructions from Dr. Z. Is this puzzling and overwhelming for
everyone just starting her first cycle, or is it me?
If it’s me, you can tell me…
I am hoping that from the outset it all looks very scary and
confusing and quite painful, but once you’re in full swing it all falls
into place and starts making sense.
Is this what happens? IS IT?!?!? [shouted in quaky voice with veins bulging in neck.] [Not a pretty sight, I might add.]
I feel like crap today and I’ve only taken one birth control pill.
ONE. I have taken one little teeny tiny baby step in this process and I
already feel like my body can’t take it.
PA-THETIC.
I was whining and flailing around in the kitchen today at work, all
flustered and pale and suffering from a migraine. Always the drama
queen, it was obvious to anyone within a five-mile radius I was ill.
But you know those people who just cannot let you be ill? They just
have to share in your misery and steal your thunder? God I hate those
people.
The annoying super nerd guy in my office came into the kitchen,
took one look at me and said, "Oh are you sick?? I feel terrible too. I
think I have the SAME thing!"
"Really?" I snorted in response. "So you recently grew a
faulty uterus and a bunch of marginal-at-best eggs?? And even though
you want more than ANYTHING to be pregnant you started the birth
control pill last night?? Because if the answer to that is NO, then I
highly doubt you have the same affliction I do!"
That shut him up.
So I am taking to my bed chamber…flouncy nightie and
marabou-trimmed slippers and all, to wait out this headache. And hope
that this isn’t the start of a very, very long few weeks.
And coming soon…the winner of the Name This IVF Cycle Category Contest.
You people crack me up. Thank you for bringing some levity to this whole thing. What would I do without you?
And here we are, one long year later…and still, I ask myself, what would I do without you?
Thank you all, so much, for commenting and e-mailing me after my last couple of posts. Many of you said you had no experience with PPD, but wished me luck. And others of you wrote such understanding and supportive comments (and e-mails) it literally brought tears to my eyes. And that’s NOT the post partum weepiness talking.
Today Jax was crying in his crib after I put him down for a nap. If he’s fussy, I’ll let him work it out for a few minutes. After play time, as soon as he starts yawning or getting fussy, I’ll swaddle him back up (with a hearty "I’m gonna swaddle you SUCKA") and put him down. This often works, today it didn’t.
His fussing soon went to Def Con 5, and I thought, what the hell? I’ll change his diaper and see if that helps. He was literally shrieking in Parker’s ear, since they sleep side-by-side, and although she can usually block out his monkey screeches and sleep through anything, I was afraid he would wake her.
So he had a wet diaper. And after I changed it I held him up and patted his back, saying, "hey, maybe you have to burp… ???" And seconds later he let loose a belch so loud it could have come from a Stanford frat boy after shot-gunning a six-pack of beer.
"What the HELL?!" I asked Jackson. "How did I think of trying THAT?"
Maybe I CAN do this job, I said to myself, maybe I can…
(I know, it’s sad when a single burp is what I’m building my Mom Confidence platform on, but HEY, it’s a start, right??)
And now…SELF-INDULGENT MOM ALERT!! SELF-INDULGENT MOM ALERT!!
PS Go to www.parenting.com to waste your own time making a self-indulgent fake cover like I did! Good LORD, do I really have this much time on my hands?!?
It is amazing what a difference a year can make sometimes.
I don’t have any experience with PPD (other than that I fear I will grapple with it, too) but it makes sense that the small steps you are taking to gain your confidence will only help. Thinking of you and OMG are those babies adorable or what?!
Oh man, I think the hand-holding picture just made me ovulate. (And you KNOW I only do that twice a year at most.) Them’s some cute babies.
I’m so proud of you for taking the steps to get the help you need. And to quote Moxie (you do read Ask Moxie, yes?), you are the perfect mother for your babies. Glad to see you getting your mommy legs.
It IS amazing at what a difference a year can make. Unbelievable how different things are for you. New house, new babies… *sigh* Just awesome.
With the PPD stuff… we’re here for you. Being pregnant, having babies… NOT EASY. I’m just glad you’re doing something about it, that’s all.
xxxxxx
You’re doing an amazing job. Motherhood is incredibly difficult, and overwhelming at times.
Amazing the difference a year makes. Just think of how wonderful it will be a year from now…
Good luck with the PPD. Take care of yourself.
Those pictures are so cute! And the cover of Parenting Mag already! You are clearly made for this… 🙂 That burp must have felt great for both of you.
Cute!
Sooooo cute! They weren’t easy to come by and now PPD is further making things difficult, but they sure are a great prize! Please take care of yourself and those little bundles of gorgeousness!
oh…it does seem overwhelming..then you do it and you think..well-that wasn’t so bad.
Cute pictures!!! They are so adorable!!!
They are so cute! It looks like they both have red hair–is Bebop a redhead?
Most excellent pix. Baby L has the same green burp cloth with brown circles, too.
Congrats on the burp!
I am going to eat those babies up! YUMMM!
Happy one year from THE day. Time moves so fast. Just look how much you’ve learned about being a mommy!
Look at the two of them holding hands! I think I am in love.
You can do this – you are doing it.
OMG – they’re holding hands in that photo! Holy jesuz that’s incredibly cute. Thanks for posting.
(You ARE doing great. Keep it up!!!!!!!)
Before you even wrote it, I was wondering what made you think to do those things. Those inherent knowings of what your child needs. I wonder if I will ever have that?
More proof that you ROCK! You are a great mother!
They are just so darn cute! I have a holding hands picture almost identical to that one. It’s still one my favorite pics, and it was taken when they were only 1 month old.
I’m glad that you are doing better. Looking forward to more updates, and LOTS more pics!
That hand pic is toooo cute!!
I’m so happy for you that this worked. So happy. 🙂
Dear Watson, at the risk of sounding all I-have-the-same-affliction-as-you, it was during a burp moment just like you describe that I, too, first thought, hey. maybe I don’t suck at this completely. My thoughts were just like yours: what made me think to do that?
You’re sounding good, my dear, which is wonderful. And your kids are utterly adorable.
Sorry Watson….mine are 13,17 and 19 and I STILL feel like I am on the cusp of grasping this whole mom thing. Then again, I am somewhat of a procrastinator.
Everyone knows that a genius starts with a single burp. 🙂
Your kids are so cute!!! And I’m glad you’re sounding better.
unbelievably adorable! The babies too 🙂
I bet that it will be increasingly easier to come up with ideas as the medication continues to do its work. Depression puts your entire mind into a fog, making it hard to think.
See, you ARE a great mother. Which is no surprise to any of us in blog world.
XOXO
I am an occasional lurker of your blog. I hope that ok. As I read the post from your IVF cycle (the look back one) that’s where I am now..I am 2 days away from my first IVF Transfer…it was quite a ride but I am glad other people felt that way.
Best of luck with your precious little ones…and I hope I will be in your boat next reflecting on my first post.
–KIM
I know what you mean about one burp inspiring total pride in yourself. Every time my baby burps, I cheer and then congratulate myself for knowing that it needed to be done.
http://www.finslippy.com/finslippy/2008/01/we-are-all-winn.html
Stories of “bad parenting”
That picture of the hands literally made me tear up. Yes, I’m dealing with PPD, but I think it was an honest reaction here.
Seriously, I want to hug them and swoop them up and smootch them they are so cute.
What a difference, eh?
Adorable!!!