Brought To You By The Number 4

Do they say fourth time’s a (fill-in-the-blank-with-something good)? 

No, they do not. 

They say beginner’s luck if you’re successful at something on the first try .  They say fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.  And they say once bitten twice shy, which I think was part of a movie title from a Dracula spoof starring George Hamilton back in the 80s, or something like that.  And of course the ever popular third time’s a charm!  They say that one all the time.  But no one EVER says anything about the fourth time.   

What is the fourth time, anyway?  If you’re still trying after the 3rd one, you’ve failed on three previous attempts.  You don’t have beginner’s luck, you scooted right through number two and for some reason, the third time was NOT, in fact, a charm. 

So where does that leave you?  And by you I mean me.

For some reason I’ve always thought the IUI would work. Not necessarily the first one, that was our trial run and I didn’t expect that to take.  For the second try, I was more hopeful but not off-the-charts crazy optimistic.  But last time, I was all, I just KNOW this is going to work — I can feel it!  Plus that psychic I went to said so, so it just must be true!!

Even BeBop thought April was our month.  We were both as optimistic as you can be under these circumstances.  And by these circumstances of course I mean the suckitude that is infertility.

For some reason, whenever anyone mentioned IVF I changed the subject. I just didn’t want to think about that yet, I didn’t want it to be part of my reality. (Which sounds crazy, I know, after trying for like a million years.)  But like I said, I just had faith that we needed some help, and that the clomid/IUI combo would do the trick.

Of course, now my faith is shaken.  As is the optimism I felt, and oh yeah the hope I actually allowed myself to have this time.

I want to go into this next IUI with some semblance of hope, because what’s the alternative?  Feeling like it won’t work? That just can’t be good. To each her own, some probably feel better steeling themselves against the bad news and preparing for the worst and I’m all about whatever works for you.  But for me, I have to have some small glimmer of hope just to get up in the morning and drag myself to all of these freaking doctors’ appointments.

I’m going in today for the clomid challenge test or whatever they call it.  I wish that instead of jamming that gloved finger up my hoo-ha and at the same time pressing down on my vital organs to check for cysts, the clomid challenge was more of an obstacle course or something you’d see on Survivor. 

I can see it now:

Survivors, ready? 

On my go, crawl through the mud on your belly under those bamboo poles, vault yourself over that high wall into the mud and swim through that to the netting hanging 15 feet in the air.  Crawl up and over the netting, while you’re doing that grab a fish, a wooden snake and a bucket full of water.  Carry these items to the top of that 50 ft. palm tree and stand there until one by one you lose your balance and fall off into the ocean.

The survivor who lasts the longest on top of that tree, holding the fish the snake and the bucket wins the  challenge.

Want to know what you’re playing for?  A BABY!

Now, that would be a cool clomid challenge. Waaaay better than what I’m looking at later today.