I have so much to tell you, only I can’t seem to remember a damn thing these days.
Wait, what was I saying?
OH YEAH.
I can’t remember what I keep forgetting to write.
WHA??
I am like an early-onset Alzheimer’s patient. During every-day conversations, I routinely forget common words, which drives my sister crazy.
"You can go to that juice place, " I told her last week when she was up here visiting. "You know, that place with the juice and those…other things? The juicy juice things…"
"SMOOTHIES!" She yelled.
"YES! Thank you, smoothies!"
"You know, Mom is so damn vulnerable that she believes all that — no wait! Not vuln–"
"–GULLIBLE! GULLIBLE!!!" She screamed into the phone.
"YES! Thank you, gullible."
This even happens to me at work. Several times a day, embarrassingly enough. "Can you submit a…uh…um, a summary thing of what you want funding for??" I say, ending each sentence in a question, clearly not getting my point across.
"A proposal?" They will ask.
"YES! Thank you, a proposal!" I say, relieved they have figured out what I’m trying to say.
I walk into a store with a mental note of what I need, only to have it totally forgotten in the time it takes me to walk waddle from the car to the door.
And I drop things. Actually, I drop about 99% of everything I try to hold: large or small, heavy or light, doesn’t seem to matter.
Since we’re packing to move, this has become quite a problem. Especially because the whole bending over thing is not easy. I do that very unflattering, squatting thing that makes it look like I’m trying to lay a large egg. Or like I’m taking a — well, you get the idea. It’s not pretty.
So my whole day consists of picking something up or grabbing something, dropping it on the floor, and yelling FRICK before deciding how badly I need it. Sometimes I wait and see how many things I can drop near other things and then just do one squatting maneuver to save myself some trouble.
It’s bad, that’s all I can say.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So our booby class last weekend was quite fun, but there’s nothing like a three-hour lesson on breastfeeding to bring out the 13 year old boy in all of us.
When we walked into the room where the class was held, it had several couches around for the couples to sit on. Each couch had a doll on it. A totally CREEPY doll. A doll that did this disconcerting thing where when you tilted her down, her eyes closed but when you propped her back up her glassy, murderous eyes would POP open and scare the shit out of you. So needless to say, I did this to BeBop on and off all day and cracked myself up.
At one point the ladies had to put on some lipstick (which was SO not my color, thankyouverymuch) and then, sort of, how do I say this??
Try to latch on to a balloon filled with water.
Try to suckle the balloon, if you will…
And NO, I’m not kidding.
The idea was to try latching on with our mouths in different positions to get a better idea of what the baby’s mouth should look like when he latches on…is this making any sense at all?!? (Probably not.)
Anyhoo, it was pretty funny.
Later, each woman had to hold the freaky-eyed zombie doll in a nursing position and learn how to guide our boobs into their mouths with our nipples pointed up and…I better just stop while I’m behind, huh??
I’m not sure I’m any better prepared to nurse, and yet I did learn a lot of things in the class so who knows?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I know there are a million other things I wanted to add, but of course I can’t remember any of them.
Something about my Mom calling my poor sister seven frillion times a day about the formaldehyde that’s apparently contaminating all of her son’s baby clothes and how she needs to either wash everything in vinegar or buy him an entirely new, totally organic wardrobe or he’ll grow a second head or something, but I can’t think of the details.
So I’ll sign off for now, asking for your good wishes as we move on Sunday into the new house. Once I get my lap top set up from there I’ll post again and catch up with your blogs.
my most important colleague is also pregnant, so between the two of us we’re pretty much forgetting all the important shit and screwing things up left and right. but the upside is i don’t seem to care all that much lately.
good luck with the move!!!
OMG, that’s exactly the way I was, forgetting everything. Not only that, I was terrified my memory would never come back. It actually took about a year(!) I used to just do math intuitively and during that time, I needed a calculator (or at very least pen & paper). It does come back though 🙂
Loved the description of the booby class. I hope you learned something, because otherwise it sounds pretty awful…
Ah, the boob class. I hope the boobfeeding actually goes well after what you learned. And good luck with the move!
The breast feeding class sounded like tons of fun! I hope you learned a few things to help you down the road. Good luck with the move.
That is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard! Maybe if I tell my husband, he’ll actually want to go to breastfeeding class.
Best of luck with moving in, still at it myself!!! X
That dropping of thoughts and objects sounds so very familiar. What on earth is UP with that? And I laughed — in a slightly sickened way, but laugh I did — at your breastfeeding class. That sounds utterly bizarre in a completely blogworthy way…
the boob class story scared me, I don’t think I’ll take it 🙂
Good luck moving sweets, hoping it’s extremely uneventful.
and I am only 15 weeks and cannot get a good sentence out (I guess it’s all downhill from here right?) Mr Kir has to help me with “words” all day long. If I wasn’t pregnant I’d swear I had lost my friggin mind lately.
*hug*
So, I should be prepared to leave myselfs lots of notes and reminders, huh? Or just give up accept that I’ll be all scattered and clumsy. That last one is more likely.
Your booby class sounds surreal.
Oh dear. I drop things and talk gibberish NOW.
Another one for giggling at the boobie class.
Good luck with the move!!!
Good luck with the move!!! And don’t worry about forgetting thinks…I seriously think it is part of pregnancy. It happened to me a lot!
Happy moving. When will my room be ready?
I was exactly the same way – forgetting everything and dropping everything. Hope the move is going well.
That BF class sounds nuttier than a fruitcake!!
Good luck with the move…since it’s Sunday, I hope you’re almost/all the way in!
Oh my God, you crack me up. Especially the squatting part. I thought I was going to spit my lunch all over the monitor. Lots of luck with the move!!!
You are too funny!
Forgetting and dropping… ah yes…I remember it not-so-fondly.
I remember several times picking something up, dropping it, having someone get it for me, and dropping it again while taking it from them. I think my mom once picked up the same item 4 times in under 2 minutes…
As for boobfeeding, they’ve got to be kidding… Get a proper lactation consultant to come help you when you get home from the hospital if you’re not getting a good latch.
The basic idea is to get as much of the darned breast into the kids’ mouths as possible.
Feel good and good luck with the move.
t.c.
Even through all the forgetting and dropping things, you are still hilarious and you bring a smile to my face.
I tried to say “Shuttlecock” on the weekend (I was watching the kids play in the yard)Ha! Ha! Shuttlecock is hard to think of even when you are not pregnant!
Glad to hear all is well with you but what is up with that class? I’ve never heard of anything like it. But I guess I avoid anything post BFP related until I am there myself. And that twins support group sounds a little like a “scare the hell out of you” group. With your sense of humor and your husband’s go-with-it attitude (seemingly), you will make great parents to twins. Good luck.
You certainly haven’t lost your sense of humor!!
Good luck with moving. The best you can expect is to simply get through it. But the bonus will be making a new place your own, which is always wonderful!