Okay, first things first.
Because I love the wonderful Bea over at Infertile Fantasies, and because she asked so nicely, I have included my SHOT-TASTIC video diaries ("An Idiot’s Guide to Injectibles") in her International Infertility Film Festival.
It’s on March 31st, so go on over and take a looksy. I can assure you far more talented film makers (and I use that term loosely when applied to myself!) than I will be submitting their works of art, so enjoy!
http://infertilityfilmfestival.blogspot.com/
And secondly, on a totally different rant:
I might have spoken too soon. It pains me to admit that, but it might be true.
Many of you know of my deep and abiding hatred of those cutesy, message-boardy ways of describing our TTC journeys. I think Sarah over at For The Flavor shares this feeling. (Although she’s probably not half as bitchy as I am about it.) And no offense to anyone who finds comfort or support in those things, but to say they’re not my cup of tea is an understatement.
("TTC" — See! I just did it myself. It’s insidious! It just gets inside your cerebral cortex and you can’t help yourself. It’s like the plague.)
I cannot express my irritation, back in the bad old days before I found blogging, at the saccharin, infantile ways of describing things: The BD’ing with your DH. Baby-dancing?! BLECH. Are we in the third grade for crissakes? And ‘dear husband’? I call BeBop lots of things but dear husband is rarely one of them. (It might stand for Dick Head but that’s an entirely different post.)
And I’ve mentioned in an earlier post how instead of calling it BD’ing, in our house it was more likely to be shortened to: AYFKMIJAAHB.
(Are You Freaking Kidding Me I Just Ate A Huge Burrito. Which BeBop would mutter with dismay when I announced that according to TCYF, my BBT was about to rise and I was close to O’ing so we simply must make the sexy time and NOW.)
(See! I sometimes can’t help myself. GAWD. Kill me now.)
And don’t even get me started on that damn baby dust or those frackin’ sticky vibes. Usually, I feel compelled to take that baby dust, attach it to a 2′ x 4′ with sticky vibes and then shove the entire thing up your A-ESS-ESS.
LOL 🙂
[Insert sarcasm here]
The little smiley-face emoticons that people use throughout their posts make me want vomit. And the animated boxes at the bottom, with messages like "think positive" with Eeyore blinking at me with purple eyes, or the cartoon with Belle reminding me that "A dream is a wish my heart makes…"
THANKS. Thanks for reminding me, Belle, that a dream is a wish my heart makes. I must have fucking-a forgotten THAT little gem, what with all the TTC’ing and the BBT’ing and the BD’ing.
And excuse me while I throw up a little in my mouth.
But!
I may have made a grave error, and now I need your help. With my Beta mere days away, I am now thinking that I need all the help I can get. So I am willing to go to the dark side (or the frilly pink side with some extra lace on it for good measure) if it will help me get some good news.
I have turned over a new, clover-shaped leaf. I am willing to ask for baby dust with a side of sticky vibes. I would spice up this entry with a jumping, arm-waving smiley-face if I knew how to do it.
And I need your help. (Because ruhhly, what’s a post from Watson without me asking for something??)
In the comments section, please send me the most outrageous, sickeningly sweet TTC help you can think of.
I’m looking for baby dust to come out of my cornhole, people.
I’m going for rainbow-colored unicorns dancing on clouds of marshmallows. I’m going for teddy bears sitting next to a chocolate lake with cookies for rafts. And puff pastry shells covered in sticky vibes and raspberry sauce.
Get the picture? Can you help me out?? Purty please with cinnamon sugar and gummy bears on top?
Watson, I cannot Do this on command (or wait did my husband say that this morning??? )
ok, but I’ll try without all the unicorns. I am wishing you sticky vibes, I am imagining all kinds of hot glue and grape jelly stickiness so that those embies are getting comfortable, (pulling up a chair opening a beer comfortable , fighting you for the remote comfortable).
so I’ll let you borrow my song “Calling all Angels” and ask them to come see about you. I’ll send rainbow wishes and gummy bears dreams to you.
I don’t think you need it , but I’m sending it..every sweet, wonderful thought I have. With lots of sugar on top.
GOOD LUCK my dear Watson…
Oh dear lord… I snorted my coke out of my nose. AYFKMIJAAHB hahahhahaha
Woman, you just made my day.
I will keep it all crossed and dotted and send over anything sticky I can think of.
–Jo
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM SO EXCITED TO BE MENTIONED IN THE SAME POST AS ‘AYFKMIJAAHB’ BECAUSE THAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!!!!!!!!! and thanks for the shout out!
i am sending you the absolutely stickiest, molasses-dripping, caramel-coated, peanut-butter-stuck-to-the-roof-of-your-mouth (btw i did that to my dog this morning–hilarious every time!), fly-paper stuck to three day old BBQ chicken stuck to alien goo sticky thoughts for a velcro covered embryo (and of course for the other side of the velcro to be all over your ute).
okay i’m just not good at all the fluffy cutesey stuff. sorry about the alien goo, i tried googling ‘sticky’ and that’s what i got. i feel it sort of led me down the wrong road, so let me just say, in all honesty, i am really hoping with all my non-sappy, unfluffy, blinkie-free soul that those embryos stick!
Hell to the YES! What a great post. Very funny. I want to round up all those bungholes who use the emoticons and the baby dust and pile them in a mass grave. Is that wrong?
Anyway, here’s hoping that the sweet angels of babyland pay you a visit and spinkle some of their fairy dust on your hoo ha.
Does that work? Will Bepop be upset that I referenced your hoo ha?
“Crossing all my crossable bits for you! =)”
(Hmmm. Come to think of it, I wonder which of my bits are crossable and which are not)
_||_
/ \
C|xxxx|
|—-|
[____}
That’s my attempt to make a bottle of moonshine to help you get through the last few days you 2WW post IVF. You are PUPO and if all goes well I’ll be back to tell you NBHHY!
IMHO. :P~
OMG! That totally did not come out after I pressed post!
It actually is wa-aa-ay better!
(So I suck. Whatofit?)
Okay, I made you a cute blinkie that said “Baby Dust for Watson!” but it won’t let me paste the code in the comments section. Sorry! Anyway – baby dust & sticky thoughts and all that jazz!!!
Ok, those boards totally gross me out, thanks for making me feel so not alone. I’m still giggling about the burrito, becasue GIRL, with comments like that I am starting think that you are with me and The C in our bedroom every night…
I really hate to disappoint and not offer something oozy and gooey enough. Just buckets full of baby dust, tons of sticky vibes, and a promise that I will be back to support you no matter what.
(oh ya, and gallons of (((((hugs)))) )
You want baby-dust candyfloss? You got baby-dust candyfloss. Carefully moulded into heart-shapes on the stick. And speckled with this truly daft green four-leaf-clover candy I once found in Dublin, being sold to tourists in the sort of shop that also sold little stuffed toy leprechauns, so it’s bound to work.
Fingers crossed. Really crossed hard. Man, but it’s hard to type like this.
Dear Watson, may the sparkly little slippers of the teensy-weensy fertility fairie have made a soft landing in the center of your baby cave, so she can keep sprinkling the walls of your love nest with the stickiest, pearliest, sweetest baby dust in which those precious seeds of your dreams can thrive and grow.
Anything for you, my dear. And now I need an insulin shot.
Only for you would I use words that will make me throw up ALOT in my mouth on a continuous basis.
So…Sending you sparkly, shiny, spangly, bling-tastic baby dust, and ultra-strength sticky-icky-yicky vibes (I think I just channeled Snoop) that at least one of those embies decides to sit down, take a load off, and grow some roots!
sweet louise. AYFKMIJAAHB!
i’m dying. surely you must know my husband.
(plugging nose)
okay, so goes —
sprinkling much baby dust and sending many sticky vibes out the window to my dear watson with all of my crossable parts crossed and acronyms coming out my ears and dancing on the baby dust in the breeze that will blow into your house and through the door and up in your hoo ha to make the lil embies stick stick stick!
(unplugs nose)
really though — everything sounds SO promising! it’s great news. go embies go! my fingers are very un-sarcastically crossed for you!
tooooo funny! even my husband laughs at your blog and jokes – we have a similar type of humor. good luck!
Oh you, funny, funny woman! Merci for a thoroughly, bloody good larf!
But I refuse to baby dust you all the same, you’ll have to make do with just a sincere and elegant, good luck!
I cannot bring my self to say it, think it or type it. I think if I typed some of those words my computer would spontaneously combust and my life will come to an end.
I will wish you luck, cross anything you want me to and hope like you wouldn’t believe that Dr. Z knocked you up!
My Dear Watson, for you I’d do ALMOST anything. So, here goes.
A little re-write of the song “Candy Man” from Will.y Wonk.a (clearly stretching the melody to fit my lines of course 🙂
Who can take the embryo
Put it in your Ute
Give you a Progesterone goo
The RE-man
The RE-man can
The RE-man can cause he mixes it with love and makes the embryo look good
Who can take a blastocyst
Sprinkle it in dew
Cover it in chocolate
for a miracle or two.
The RE-man
The RE-man can
The RE-man can cause he mixes it with love and makes the embryo look good
I know, it’s terrible. I never promised I was a song-writer and I am clearly without talent. But you know the intentions are good. Here’s some fairy, baby dust to sprinkle on you to bring you the fulfillment of your dreams.
I was going to try something baby-dusty, but Merideth has just posted the sap to end all sap. I can’t help but feel you are glutted with the stuff now.
So, um, sticky sticky, good luck etc.
Bea
I can’t do it. I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy. But babydust is genuinely beyond me, I’m sorry.
I refuse to send sticky baby dust vibes. I am wishing the best for you and BeBop. Implant, you freakin’ blast! Implant away! What’s stopping you! Come on, it’s fun! Go ahead!
baaby dust…puh-leeeaaasssseee. you need liqour. and lots of it. at least that’s how babies are made here in the south.
lots of luck to you! (and the embryos sounds quite nice.)
Good god you are one funny lady. Not only that, but you have managed to single-handedly express my hatred for anyone who wishes babydust to me.
Not to mention that my DH stands for “Dipshit Husband.”
But anyway.
I’m all out of baby dust… but I think Meredith’s post will give you all you need.
You know that I am really fucking hoping that this is IS for you, hon. I too have all of my crossable bits crossed for you.
Ithink I’ve gone in another direction. Here goes:
Kokopelli to you! American Indians believe
that Kokopelli is a bringer of good luck and fertility. He has a humped back filled with the seeds of life and impregnates women while having fun playing his magical flute!
Fu to you and yours! Fu is one of the most popular Chinese characters used in Chinese New Year. It is often posted upside down on the front door of a house or an apartment. The upside down fu means good luck came since the character for upsite down in Chinese sounds the same as the character for came.
May rabbits fill your house! The rabbit was one of the favorite animals of the Greek goddess of love, Aphrodite. Being a symbol of fertility, the Rabbit is very beneficial to women.
And I do believe that Hounen Matsuri has just past. On March 15th a giant wood phallus is carried from one temple to another. This can only mean good things for you and yours.
And finally, break a leg!
Woops, I meant WOODEN PHALLUS. Phew.
I have bookmarked this as one of my favorite posts…ever
Oh goodness Watson. I’ve never commented before…but this one…it takes the cake. I’ve blogged about this very topic before and I KNOW I’ve referenced the hubbs with some sort of acronym but it was nothing close to DEAR HUSBAND. It involved expletives and things of that sort-and I can’t for the life of me remember the exact wording. But girl, you are funny. And, well, good luck…But I just…can’t….say…it!
this post was freaking hilarious. i was shaking with silent laughter. which was too bad for DH (ha ha ha) as he was lying with his head on my arm and all my shaking laughter woke him up.
but, since you asked (and ONLY since you asked):
**baby dust!!!!!***
**sticky vibes***!!!!!!!
!!!!go embies go!!!
((((((((hugs)))))))))
((((((((more hugs)))))))))))
*******sticky******vibes*****!!!!!!!******
******LOADS of BABY DUST**************
whew. that makes me throw up a LOT in my mouth, but if it helps…..
I’m going to shove a care bear riding a unicorn up your asshole if you get all baby dusty.
But I will wish you luck on the beta. And if it works, will you kick Dr. Moustache in the balls for me?
OMG, your post made me laugh! You described those nauseating boards perfectly. But. . .
I’m virtually pouring a huge orange cooler (a la Gat0rade over coach or star player when nearing the finish of fantastic championship win) of babydust over you! Stick-Stick-Ra-Ra-Sis-Boom-Ba!
I am not sure what was funnier, this post or some of these comments! Congrats Watson and making me laugh out loud on a day when I have been very sad.
And I don’t do the whole board thing either but I so very sincerely wish that those embryo’s find a nice comfy place to settle down and start growing! Dig in little ones.
I’m with statia…. 😉
Thanks for helping me learn how to spurt hot tea through my nose Watson. It is a talent that I have been working on for weeks now yet could not quite get. Your post was just the thing I needed to perfect it.
I’m with statia and Patience.
Thanks for helping me learn how to spurt hot tea through my nose Watson. It is a talent that I have been working on for weeks now yet could not quite get. Your post was just the thing I needed to perfect it.
I’m with statia and Patience.