Remember when I said that you’d probably regret being so nice and supportive? And that you’d most likely end up wishing you hadn’t encouraged me to write what I’m feeling?
Yup.
I’m well on my way to making that prediction come true. And I pity you. I really do.
After last week’s confession post you all were really, truly wonderful. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I heart you. You might have opened a crazy pregnant lady Pandora’s box (does that sound dirty or is it just me?), but I’m glad you did.
[And aaaaaaaany minute now you’ll be BEGGING me to stop whining and just tell a damn story about the magic crystals my Mom used to tape to various parts of our bodies when we had any kind of ache or pain…]
Pregnancy is just not anything like I expected it to be. And frankly, I’m shocked. SHOCKED I tell you. I don’t know why, but after almost five years of trying to get pregnant, I figured once I was there I would be sporting a delicious little ‘bump’ like they show in US W.eekly, my luminescent skin would literally light up the night sky and my hair would glow like a shampoo commercial.
I would somehow, (I guess, this wasn’t thought out very well) become independently wealthy and not have to drag my huge ass to work every day, but instead could sit around watching A Ba.by St.ory (eating an all-organic lunch) and decorating a gorgeous nursery. And I’d go on walks (or even easy jogs!) and then pre-natal yoga and then I’d talk to the babies and relax while BeBop fixed a delectable dinner and then I’d retire for a soothing night’s slumber filled with happy baby dreams.
How’s that working out for you, you ask? Not so hot. And where on earth did you get such a bizarre and totally unrealistic expectation of being pregnant? Fuck if I know.
BeBop asked me the other night if I was happy being pregnant. "Hmmm…" I answered. "I’m happy I AM pregnant, but if you’re asking if I’m happy actually being pregnant, I dunno. That’s a harder question."
The truth is this: I’ve been completely and thoroughly stressed out almost every second of every day since I found out I was pregnant. And yes, I do feel like shit saying that.
Part of it is the stress and worry of being pregnant and thinking about the health of my babies. Work has been overwhelming. My sister was on bed rest. My Mom was torturing my sister with organic mattress pads and pro-biotics and causing all sorts of family strife that led to crying, yelling and nasty e-mails flying back and forth between all of us. BeBop and I sold our condo, and don’t have a place to go. My Mom got sick on a layover in DC and sent my Dad on to South Africa without her, flying home and going straight to the hospital without telling us. (Yes, that was a delightful little surprise. After a colonoscopy, she found out she has an ulcer which is, honestly, the best case scenario. But it was scary as hell.) And the NT scan results.
And I don’t mean to sound so ungrateful. I guess I just wish I’d known that when you’re pregnant, ‘real life’ continues on around you, and for some strange reason I really did not consider this.
I am already getting the whole guilt-ridden, self-flagellation Mom thing down.
I feel terrible I am so anxious when I should just be happy we’re pregnant with twins. I should be making time for meditating and going to pre-natal yoga. I should be swimming regularly. I should be writing a weekly letter to the babies, shamelessly stealing the idea from other bloggers, but here I am at 17 weeks and have I managed to do this once? No.
The goods news is, I’m totally prepared for a lifetime of feeling horribly guilty and knowing that no matter what I do, it’s not enough.
At least I got that going for me.
But here’s where you can help, because I know you’re just sitting there in front of your computer wondering, how can I help? (Unless, of course, after reading this you’re really thinking: how can I defy the laws of physics and thread my body through the fiber optic network, reconstitute my body in Watson’s office and then STRANGLE THE VERY LIFE FROM HER?! Errr…in that case just move along. Nothing more to see here.)
But if you are willing to help, I just haven’t been able to come up with a cute little nickname for the babies. The bugs? The beans?
I’m a girl who lives for nicknames, whose dog barely knows his real name because he’s always called something else, whose kids’ names will have built in nicknames because I’m such a fan, and yet I cannot think of a single thing to call them in utero.
So can you give me some suggestions? I don’t know how I’d manage without you.
How about Donny & Marie? 😉
Maybe the magic crystals? crystal 1 and crystal 2, since clearly it was the crystals or some other equally wacky thing your mom suggested you do to try and get pg that was ultimately responsible;-)
Don’t kick yourself for not doing the things you think you *should* be doing. Do the things that make YOU happy – do you really want to do prenatal yoga or go swimming? If not, forget about it!
How about Stress and Worry??
I will have to think on it.
My mind is blow right now. I’m sitting here thinking, “Holy Shit! You mean I don’t get my happy, pregnancy bubble – where everything is nice and rose colored. Real shit still goes on?”
I guess in my mind, I had the same image as you. I don’t think of pregnancy and real life shit still going on. It is a happy, shiny, peaceful time…like on a Baby Story…the cook outs and family strolls and maybe some shopping. Definitely not family health issues and work stress. Hell no.
Damn.
ooo. i really like the donny and marie idea. i’m loathe to offer any other suggestions as my puppy is most often referred to as “pooper”….. will i be beaten if i tell you that i like “the parasites?” i of course mean that in the sweetest way possible…
I have been calling my baby (no, not the one I ADOPTED, silly, the one in my BELLY) the Uterine Hitchhiker, U.H. for short. I stole it from another blogger…can’t remember who. Secretly I just do it because it makes Travis so mad. lmao!!
But since you have TWO, that complicates things.
Thing One and Thing Two would be hilarious. You know, like Dr. Seuss?
Or there’s always fun stuff like…if you’re craving popcorn, call them Pop and Corn or if it’s ice cream, Ice and Cream.
And the ever-traditional Peas, Bubs, Bubbies, etc.
PB & J… friends of ours call their twins that. Well…it has now morphed into Nutters & JuJu Bee… but I think PB & J is kinda cute 🙂
i give loads of nicknames to everything too, but they’re never really good or even intentional, i jiust start contorting their real names. but i totally relate to not knowing what to call the babies. for me i think it’s part of just never thinking this would actually happen. i still insist on calling it “it” even knowing it’s a she. i still just can’t absorb that there’s a person growing in there. i guess that’s why so many people call them beans. i love how thalia (i think?) refers to hers as the passenger. really sums up the weirdness of having this thing riding around in there.
there are lots of little things about pregnancy that suck. way more than i realized. do you have friends telling you birthing horror stories? because that’s what i’m finding so not fun right now. but you’ve had so many things pile up at once. just because infertility showed you how lucky you are to have these babies doesn’t mean you have to smile through all the miserable crap.
I remember feeling the same way. After so many years trying and failing to get/stay pregnant, I think I honestly shut down my feelings cause I couldn’t stand the thought of things going wrong again. I do remember thinking that I should be soooo happy but many of my smiles were fake, I hurt all over, wanted to puke my brains out all the time,had a stuffy nose for 9 months, it just wasn’t fun. I felt such guilt which just added to my pile of crap. I found out waaay later that it didn’t matter at all in the big scheme of things. Sometimes pregnancy itself isn’t all it is cracked up to be, sometimes it is great, every time it is different. Don’t stress about how you “should” be feeling, acting etc, just go with the flow and things will come around.
How about marge and homer?
Tweedlebop and Tweedlebopper.
Bea
I went through the same thing when I was pregnant with my twins. I wished it away, because a) i felt like crap and b) i just wanted them to get here and be healthy and hold them in my arms. Like you, I spent SO much time praying that I would get pregnant, that I had no idea what to do when I actually ended up that way! and with twins to boot! Don’t feel bad, embrace your emotions. I can try and tell you to enjoy it, but you probably won’t. haha. Cause that’s what us infertiles do. We worry.
Our twins are nicknamed Bootsy and Butters. Bootsy (my girl), my mom started, and we have no idea why, but it kinda stuck. My sister started Butters as a shorted version of Butterball for my son, cause he’s a big chub. Before they were born, we always just called them double trouble.
As for someone who suggested Thing 1 and Thing 2, check out my blog, I have a pic of my twins wearing onesies with that one it!
Watson,
I think I will just copy and paste your last two posts into my blog becauses it is EXACTLY how I feel. Who knew that trying so hard (almost 8 years for us) for these little miracles and finally carrying them would not be a fantasy, a dream come true? Who knew that we wouldn’t glow (I’ve had three people in the last few days tell me that I am and I keep telling them it is the effect of the constant state of nausea that has made me radioactive somehow). Who knew that it would be so difficult to experience true joy? Who knew that every time I saw or think triplets (and you twins) that it would cause a serious wave of panic, anxiety and nausea immediately? Even when I sit and TRY to fantasize about being a mom to triplets, I can’t. I am too consumed and overwhelmed with the impending difficulties with a multiples pregnancy that I can’t even enjoy the moment.
I thought something was wrong with J and I that we can’t (although I admit not much effort has been contributed) come up with nicknames. I, too, have nicknames for everyone and can’t even come up with one for our babes.
I’m glad that you’re using this space to finally say what you’re really feeling for two reasons.
1. Because it lets me know that I am not alone in the feelings I’ve been having and that makes me not as horrible as I previously thought.
2. More importantly- it is a good outlet for you to get the support you need and be able to release some of the uneasy energy you’re feeling.
Again, I’ve rambled and haven’t offered one piece of sage advice, but just know that you are not alone!
What about Bedonk and Bedonk? Cuz when you say it together it’s Bedonkbedonk, which cracks me up…
Sonny & Cher?
Okay, I was going to share with you the nickname made up for my first pregnancy (still close to my heart, but lost at 11 wks)by one of my close friends but I just saw the Bedonkbedonk recommendation and I must say GO WITH THAT – hahaha! Too funny. My suggestion was PUC – person (or in your case, people) under construction. 🙂
Also, this is my first comment and I have to say that I just recently found your blog – I was searching for blogs touching on infertility as I was considering writing one myself, but my god woman I can’t possibly do it better than you (you are hilarious even in the face of the most gutwrenching adversity) so I think I’ll just continue down your path with you until such time that you don’t touch on an emotion I’m having or have had. Btw, I’m turning 35 on Thursday and feeling like the medical community is ringing the gong while at the same time I go in to attempt our 3rd IUI. Wish me luck!
I’m especially bad with (cute/clever) nicknames, so I can’t help on that front, but I do want to say that you shouldn’t beat yourself up about what you should be doing in your pregnancy. If you’re getting nutritious food, moving around a bit (even if it’s just to and from your work, or a couple of laps of the office), and resting sufficiently, your babies will be just fine.
A twin pregnancy is definitely more challenging than a singleton, and I’m speaking from experience. I did the pre-natal yoga and swim classes with my son; I wandered shops looking for just the perfect sleeper; I read pregnancy books; the whole nine yards. This time, with these two, I’m lucky if I get through the grocery store without feeling exceedingly heavy in the abdomen and nearly winded because my lung capacity is next to nothing. I felt great carrying a singleton. I feel extremely worn and ready for this twin pregnancy to be over this time.
I’m not too good at coming up with nicknames on demand. Rather surprising considering my husband pleaded with me before the birth of our daughter to not give her dumb nicknames. In the “nicknames” section of her baby book it is divided into nicknames by month since they change and grow regularly.
In regard to the dreams of what your pregnancy would be like versus what it actually is…well, it only gets worse once you have the things. I had visions of days spent at sing alongs, baby yoga, baby gym, and assorted other activities attended by mothers much more glam and thin than myself. The reality is that I have only been to a handful of sing alongs, and we sometimes go to a park.
Good luck with the nicknaming!
My sister had that – I mean, when she got pregnant she had expected the entire world to get a grip and leave her in her peaceful baby-bubble to glow at will. And instead she found her friends were unsupposrtive, she had to move house, her husband was clueless and refused to cook (well, I wouldn’t have married him either)… And I was a mean meanypants and laughed at her (very quietly, from over here – not to her face or anything. I try not to spread the mean. Concentrated mean tastes nicer). I feel quite guilty about it now – dammit, the world SHOULD get a grip and let ladies have their rose-tinted yoga-bubble.
I’ve come up blank on nicknames. And this from a woman who used to call her bicycle ‘Leonidas’.
What do you mean it’s not a fantasy pregnancy? Bugger there goes my dream (pop!). Seriously though complain away we need to know what it’s really like.
I’m hopeless at coming up with nicknames on demand too. But I’ll come back if I think of one.
WHAT???? When you’re PG life goes on around you??? SHIT. That sucks.
Seriously, hon… QUIT STRESSING!!! Your kids are gonna love you no matter what – organic or non organic pillows/food/mattress pads/etc. You’re going to be a fantastic mom regardless. So sit back, live your life, and quit beating yourself up for not being “better”!!!!!
*hug*
I LOVE Bedonk and Bedonk. Bedonkbedonk – makes me laugh. Hard.
Please don’t call them beans though, k? That’s what my SIL calls her kid in utero and I swear everytime she calls it the Bean I want to kick her.
Course, it could just be that she’s my SIL… 🙂
As others have said, it’s ok not to be in love with pregnancy. Who says you have to be wandering around with that perfect ‘I LURVE being knocked up.” expression on your face? I bet it was a man.
I’m only carrying one and since the 12 week ultrasound we’ve been calling him Cleatus the Fetus. Sgt and I had an easier time coming up with a nickname then we did coming up with a birth name.
Soon the babes will be tap-dancing on your bladder and lungs so I feel Fred and Ginger would be appropriate.
Weeble and Wobble.
I mean, they don’t fall down or anything, so it works.
(Love from another IVF’er with b/g twins who’s not exactly having a great time with it, either.)
I don’t have any good nicknames for you, but thanks for bursting my pregnancy bubble. Somehow I had always imagined it would be a piece of cake being pregnant 🙂 Nothing’s every easy, is it?
Yup, happy to be pregnant but not happy BEING pregnant is as perfect a description as I’ve ever seen. We just have to remember, we infertiles have just as much right to bitch and moan about pregnancy’s troubles as anyone else. MORE, I think.
As others have already said, the guilt is excellent practice for motherhood. FWIW, I did not a lick of exercise my whole pregnancy and subsisted mostly on Amy’s frozen dinners and Bat Girl turned out beautifully. And I didn’t write her letters while I was pregnant, and I don’t have a baby book, and we don’t go to mommy and me yoga, and so far she seems to be coping. 🙂
I love Thing One and Thing Two for nicknames.
Wait… you mean pregnancy isn’t wonderful??? Don’t go bursting my bubble like that!
No good nicknames…maybe the Wonder Twins or Thing 1 and Thing 2
I have a friend who called her child “Squid” before he was born. I’ve heard them called Beans as well…but I really like Bedonk Bedonk. Or Honky Tonk and Bedonk. 🙂 Just because it reminds me of a song.
As for the pregnancy bubble and being stressed: It’s ok. Those stories on TV? Those people probably have a lot of help. Since they’re on TV, they’re getting paid, which means no working. Rarely do you see people stressing to the max on TV, unless it’s a supposed reality show. It’s not about being happy BEING pregnant, only that you are…or rather, that you will be bringing children into the world. It’s not meant to be easy – it’s preparation! 🙂 Try to let yourself off the hook a little about being stressed – I think it’s normal.
first, I can so identify with this post sweetie, I know I’m pregnant but somedays I honestly feel like I just won’t enjoy it because I’ll always be afraid of it going away. We all have that “fantasy pregnancy” but shit if I know how you acutally get it. If I find it believe me I will fly to you to impart it to you.
Well we named ours the oodles, because I call Mr Kir “boodle”, so how about taking the nicknames you already have and changing them just a little to include the nicknames you already use? They are part of your family and therefore should have names just like it.
*big hug*
Sherlock & Holmes
Have you ever been to a wedding and you sit there thinking: “hmmm. These people just copied this wedding from a book. It is so not them.” How sad.
Same thing with pregnancy (not that I have any experience beyond 7 weeks) but I know that you can make this pregnancy your own, with your own style. Which, by the way, I also know from reading your blog, is a fabulous, witty Watson style. There is no right path. There is only your own path. Now I probably sound like your mom.
xoxo, Ms. Planner
woooooooooooooooooooo there lady. you mean, i’m gonna pay $25,000., for a 45% chance and if i am *lucky* enough i’ll be able to gain at least thrity lbs, grow a hairy chin, be cranky as shit AND go through a VERY EFFIN painful twenty-four hours for a little thing that poops and barfs on me? And WHO said us women got the raw deal??
hmmm, nicknames….pedro and camille. they sound spanish and your mom was in AZ. on that note…peo and TAH. or turp and ‘tine. (like turpintine (sp?)the substance.) and i have NO IDEA where that comes from).
i think you having twins makes it sooo much easier b/c there are lots of things that are funny in two parts. izzy and fizzy. (don’t those just sound reproductive?) in that vein….how about 10,000 and 10,000. or summer and house. ok, i’ll stop.
please talk about your pregnancy. it gives us all hope…and it’s funny as hell. (sorry, really, we’ll all stop laughing at some point. i mean, not anytime soon. but at some point.
Hmmm. If it were left up to me to nickname them, you will be waiting until they go to college. Are you making this a competition like the-name-the-IVF-cycle?
I still couldn’t come up with anything, but you know, it could be fun!!
Watson, we are big nickname people…our daughters have several nicknames each. It’s quite sad at times. Our lovely, beautiful youngest daughter has dozens of nicknames, our favorite being “Stan”. Yes Stan. 🙂
Hey, for your two how about Lenny and Squiggy from Laverne & Shirley fame?
You are so effing witty. Thanks for sharing this crazy life with us. I am currently housing three embryos who should be blasts by now. Hopefully at least one plans to stick around for a while.
I think you should call them the Watsonauts. Kindof like space or water Watsons.
🙂
Bev
Thing one & Thing two
Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee
Lenny & Carl
Bart & Lisa
Sideshow Bob and Sideshow Mel
Sugar & Spice
Salt & Pepa’
Mork & Mindy
Timon & Poomba
Adam & Eve
…
Shall I go on? There’s no end to the possibilities…
Catching up on blogs here, and you go right on writing exactly how you feel. Pregnancy can be tough (have you developed cankles yet? Oh, they’re awesome.)
I love Lenny and Squiggy, but here’s a few more:
Napoleon and Dynamite
Napoleon and Pedro
Hall & Oates
Depeche and Mode
Weight and Watchers (oh wait, that’s my current situation, not yours…)
OOH, I likes me a good challenge:
Captain & Tenille?
Frick and Frack?
HoHo and DingDong?
I mean, it has to be snarky, otherwise, where’ the fun?
Animal and Beast (A and B theme)
Apple and Banana
Tic and Tac
We just had a round of 6 tournament with AWFUL names for my friend’s first. Things like D’brickishaw and Clovere and other things that don’t make sense to anyone.