At some point, I will muster the energy to write a long post all about baby-making sex.
The entire post will read:
IT.
SUCKS.
Hopefully, many of you out there have no idea what I’m talking about. But I suspect that others of you understand how the forced death march of conception sex can be terrible. It puts the trying in trying to get pregnant.
This month, I issued an all-out command BeBop and I decided together that during my so-called ‘fertile’ time (because, PLEASE, if any word in this blog deserves to be surrounded by quotes this is the one!) we would take turns planning evenings together if you catch my drift.
Over the past, like, BILLION years or so since we’ve started trying, I am the one who has initiated the baby-making sex because I’m more clued into the ‘fertility’ signs, obviously.
And given the ratio of weekdays to weekends, many of these opportunities fall on the random Tuesday or Wednesday night when you would give anything just to be left alone to watch Lost and go to bed. Or even the Bachelor! Seriously, there have been many nights when I would have preferred to watch a dozen drunken women scratch each other’s eyes out in a humiliating attempt to break into show business by being on a reality show get a rose from a complete dork who is SO obviously NOT there to meet his future mate.
But, when the right cycle day comes around I scream at BeBop to get his ass into bed because I am tired GODDAMN it and let’s just get this over with already coyly suggest that we rendezvous in the candle-lit boudoir and make the sweet, sweet love.
Like all good soldiers on the fertility front, I do what is required. But it is often not the ideal situation. We’re often tired, not in the mood, worried about work the next day, wondering why the dog is staring at us from his perch at the bottom of the bed, too hot, too cold, and on and on. I have said before that instead of using the acronym ttc, in our house it’s YGTBKMIJAAHB .
You’ve Got To Be KIDDING Me I Just Ate A Huge Burrito.
Which BeBop uttered to me one evening while rolling his eyes and frantically grabbing for the PeptoBismol. Yes, SUPER romantic that was.
So, anyway, this month I decided that we should take turns planning our evenings of togetherness. My turn involved a nightie given to me by my girlfriends at a lingerie party that I’ve probably worn twice in five years. And candles. AND a massage. I’m nothing but goal-oriented when it comes to an assignment.
BeBop’s turn, the next night, consisted of him jumping into bed, stark naked, narrowly missing the poor dog.
"Okay, let’s go!" he shouted.
"Okay LET’S GO?" I repeated, sure I had misunderstood. Where were the freaking candles? Where was the romantic foot rub? The hot bath drawn with fragrant bath salts? Where were the flowers or, even better, the fancy chocolates??
"This?" I stammered dejectedly, "THIS is your romantic plan for the night??"
"Yep," BeBop answered. "It’s all about putting THIS in THERE and making a baby."
(I probably don’t have to be any more specific regarding which parts of our anatomy he gestured to on the THIS and the THERE, right? Good.)
"That couldn’t BE any less of a turn on," I grumbled.
But since it was CD15 I didn’t have the option of canceling our little date. I just made BeBop feel very. very guilty and kept reminding him of all the effort I put in when it was my turn.
Ahhhh….there’s nothing like guilt, whining and some infantile complaining to get you in the mood!
On a serious note, we have decided if trying au naturel doesn’t work this month, we’re going to try another IUI and then seriously look into IVF. So, if we’re ever going to get pregnant the Old Fashioned Way, this month is it.
And tonight is the prime candidate for another romantic encounter, timing-wise. And I feel like I’m coming down with the stomach flu. And BeBop just called to say he thinks he punctured an ear drum!
COULD IT GET ANY BETTER?!?
Wish us luck. Obviously, we need it.
I just about cried laughing at this post–the comment about the burrito, about putting THIS in THERE. I know it’s not all that hysterical (Mr. Lyrehca and I have so been there; we’d look at each other and say “OK, hop on!” when it was that time of the month and we were trying, yet again, to get this done the usual way despite being exhausted on a Tuesday night), but it kinda was, too.
Why are you waiting to try IVF? (Forgive me for not knowing your specific history). Is it financial? Ethical? To me, finally moving on to IVF was like getting the chance to do something hardcore after three months of wasting time with IUI.
Hi Lyrehca – I’m SO glad you can relate! I knew at least a few gals out there would know exactly where I was coming from.
Regarding IVF…we do have some financial concerns, but the real issue is that I want to feel as though we’ve exhausted all of the possibilities before moving on to the most invasive treatments.
I did 4 IUIs this spring so you’d think I’d be ready, but it’s just one of those things. We want to try some alternative methods (Chinese acupuncture and herbs) for a few months to see if that can help and if not, try another 1-2 IUIs.
And at that point if I’m still not pregnant, I can officially say we’ll be ready to move on!
Oh! I’m laughing.
And, er… good luck!
Bea
You always make me laugh!! Good luck..I hope all this baby making pays off–it is definitely work! Thinking of you!
No sh*t,
IT
DEFINITELY
SUCKS!
Been there, done that. HATED IT!
I hope that final night went okay. I think it’s SO male/female that you put all that effort into your evening, and bebop thought that just hopping into the sack prepared to go at it was the same. So NOT the same. Gotta love the male brain though.
I *HOPE* that there is some magic around, and this cycle is it for you! (However, let’s stay away from the babydust!!!)
This is why I hate the message boards on trying to conceive. baby-making sex should NEVER be referred to as “baby dancing” there is nothing remotely accurate in describing it that way. your description is 110% more accurate! LOVE the burrito comment.
GL!
OMG! I am in the same boat. Yesterday he called and asked me come home for lunch. I get there and he jumps out from around the corner naked and screams, “It’s baby makin’ time!” while throwing his hands up in the air and his pelvis all the way forward. All I could do was look at him and say, “You have ten minutes.”
OMG! I am in the same boat. Yesterday he called and asked me come home for lunch. I get there and he jumps out from around the corner naked and screams, “It’s baby makin’ time!” while throwing his hands up in the air and his pelvis all the way forward. All I could do was look at him and say, “You have ten minutes.”
Been there. SO been there. I’m impressed that you are still putting in the effort. I think I attempted to keep the hedges trimmed, but other than that, crawling into bed naked was about all the special planning I could muster.
Oh, you depict it all soooo well!!!
Good luck with the forced nooky!
Seriously, though, maybe this is the magic month. Here’s hoping for you two…
The best thing about IVF is NEVER having to have baby-making sex.
I’m with meg. Our sex was stressful in the extreme (my husband has ED), so the thought of trying naturally again just fills me with terror. Sadly that seems to be on the cards now.
Oh how very right you are!
I wonder if your sex life ever recovers from this?
It’s funny because it’s true. Wishing you luck!
I just came over from Vanilla Dreams.
Funny. I’ve definitely been there. And I agree with Meg – the best thing about IVF is not having to think about baby-making sex. It can just be sex again.
Good luck with this month!